fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
