You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
