We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
