: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
