but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
