I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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