So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
