guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
