I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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