don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
