I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
