the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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