Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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