trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
