dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
