Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
50% drunk capacity currently
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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