So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
