today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
