Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
