We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
