I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
