There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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