Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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