I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have aggressive nipples.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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