just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
