On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
