You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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