I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
