ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
