Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
