Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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