i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't tell me you're on acid again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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