I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
