I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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