Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And then he peed in my hair
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