Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
