I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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