She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
