The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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