party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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