This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
