i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
