i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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