do herpes really smell.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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