the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize