dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
