The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
