You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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