He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
