my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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