Christians are straight up FREAKS
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
