Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
