its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
