I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
