So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize