He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
