i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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