Duck Duck Cougar?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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