Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize