I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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