I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
