NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
