i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
