Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
