I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
