thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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