why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
