They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
