I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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