I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
