careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
