can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
