the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
