i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize