My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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