How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
