This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
