I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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