I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
