i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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