i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
